Gretchen Rubin is a genuine multi-hyphenate. She began her career as a clerk in the Supreme Court and switched to writing when she had an idea for a book, Power Money Fame Sex: A User’s Guide, which was published in 2000. Bestselling books on happiness, habit-making and breaking, personality tendencies, decluttering, and the five senses followed. Today, she also dispenses wisdom on her podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, on which her sister Elizabeth Craft acts as co-host and guinea pig. Last year, Rubin launched a second podcast, Since You Asked, which she presents with the psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb.
Big Think caught up with Rubin for a chat about happiness, habits, and how we can best meet our own expectations — even when we put everyone else first.
Big Think: What tips do you have for Big Think readers to work and live smarter this year?
Rubin: One thing that you can do, and I mention this because so many people tell me that it changed their lives, is to follow the one-minute rule. Anything you can do without delay in a minute, go ahead and do it. If you can print out a document and file it, if you can give a five-word reply to an email and delete it — this just gets rid of that sort of scum of clutter that just weighs us down. You don’t have to set aside an afternoon or even a half hour, because you just do it one minute at a time, and it is amazing how much you can get done in these little, tiny increments.
I’ve written a lot about happiness and habits, and what I’ve noticed is that a lot of times when people have a big aim, they have it very clearly in mind, but it’s very abstract. So, it’s something like, “I want to get healthy,” “I want to find more fun in life,” “I want to build my relationships.” It’s better to think about what that would look like, where, day to day, you would be able to know whether you did something or not. Let’s say you wanted to get more fun out of life. You could say, “Well, I love classic movies, so I’m going to decide that every Sunday night I’m going to pick a classic movie and watch it.” And the more specific you are about exactly when, where, how, what, why, the more likely you are to follow through.
Big Think: You’re a fan of having a “one-word theme” for the year. Your word for 2026 is “neighbor.” Can you explain the concept?
Rubin: A lot of people are feeling the way I am, where it’s like we need to get back into a feeling of warmth and trust and neighborliness and making time for each other. For example, with the people who are the clerks and the servers in my neighborhood, I can go out of my way to have more warmth and connection, and then also, just in a larger sense, it’s how do we get back to this idea of tolerance, forbearance, having respect, calm communications. That’s the world that I want to live in.
Big Think: Your book, The Four Tendencies, suggests that people tend to fit into one of four personality types, with “Obliger” [being] the most common — these people are good at fulfilling their obligations to others but not to themselves. How can Obligers succeed at work and in life?
Rubin: Obligers need external accountability, even to meet an inner expectation. So, say you want to write a novel, you can join a writing group where you have to report on how much you’ve done, and if you’re not keeping up with what you’re supposed to do, then no one will succeed. Or maybe you have an accountability partner, who, at the end of every day, you text how many words you’ve written.
People sometimes make bargains. Like, if I don’t do this, then you get to do that, but I don’t want you to do that because it’s not healthy for you. So, for example, there was a woman who said that if she ate dessert, her husband got two helpings of dessert, but he was not in good shape [so she didn’t want him to do that]. Or, if you want to do genealogical research, then maybe you say the only way I’ll do that is if you volunteer to help other people do genealogical research. Or the only way I’ll do yoga is if I teach yoga. A lot of the best people are Obligers. I mean, Tiger Woods is an Obliger. Andre Agassi is an Obliger. Oprah is an Obliger.
Big Think: Your book, The Happiness Project, was a New York Times bestseller. It’s an admirable goal to be happier in life. But what can we learn from other emotions?
Rubin: A lot of times, people assume that I’m trying to make everybody happy, 24/7, and that’s not realistic. There’s a lot of value in negative emotions because they are a sign that something needs to change. So, if you’re feeling guilty, it’s because in some way your life doesn’t reflect your values. If you’re feeling angry, then there’s been some kind of trespass.
If you feel envious, somebody has something that you wish you had. And often we’re not very honest with ourselves about what we wish we had. And so sometimes, a way to get an indirect insight into ourselves is to say, “Who do I envy?” So, these negative emotions are very, very useful to a happy life.
Big Think: You graduated from Yale Law School and worked as a clerk before becoming an author. What did you learn from that career switch, and what would you do differently?
Rubin: When I went to law school, I did not go mindfully. I went because I was like, I don’t know what else to do with myself. But I’m really happy I went to law school. I had an amazing experience. I got to clerk on the Supreme Court. I met a lot of my best friends, including my husband. It’s a great education. I don’t regret it at all, but I regret that I went so lightly. Now I would really try not to make such a big decision so carelessly.
And then [while I was a clerk], I just realized I really wanted to write this one specific project. And I think it was easier for me because it wasn’t like, oh, I want to be a writer in some general way. It’s like, I am deep in the research of a project, and I really want to write that specific book: Power Money Fame Sex: A User’s Guide. So, that made that big jump easier, because I knew exactly where I wanted to go.
Big Think: How has your leadership style evolved as you’ve discovered more about the subjects you’ve been researching, like happiness and productivity?
Rubin: The big thing is just understanding that people really are different from each other. They respond to different language and different incentives, and different communication styles. But in the end, it’s really, actually very hard to keep that in mind. The impulse to generalize from your own experience is just very hard to resist.
One thing that comes up in the workplace a lot is jugglers and aerialists. So, jugglers are people who like to have a lot of balls in the air, and they like to go from thing to thing very quickly. And then there are aerialists who like to do one thing, and then pause, and then swing to the next thing, and they’re very focused on this one task. I’m really an aerialist, and I’m sort of forced to be a juggler, in a sense of all the things that I’m doing. The more I understand about how different people are, the more able I am to have compassion for them and also compassion for myself.
Big Think: The world is throwing a lot at people right now. Can you suggest something that might help readers deal with stress or anxiety?
Rubin: Get more sleep. I’m a sleep zealot. Most people need seven or eight hours, [but people often] stay up late because it’s kind of like their fun time, or they get drawn into work emails that jack them up, and then they can’t fall asleep. I get ready for bed well before my bedtime, so that when I’m sleepy, I can just get into bed. Try to reframe going to bed as a luxury, or give yourself a very interesting but maybe challenging book to read before bed. I love to listen to a podcast while I’m going to sleep, something like [the BBC show] In Our Time, where it’s very calm, and it’s interesting, but it’s not so interesting that I’m on the edge of my bed to hear what’s happening.
This article Gretchen Rubin’s simple secrets for a happier, less cluttered life is featured on Big Think.
